Take the following scenario: Jane is mugged and Anna is raped. Who had the worse crime comitted against them? I suspect the majority of people would say Anna. But the thing about the human brains is, even when outside of ourselves there is a scale that dictates which is the worst crime, to our brains a trauma is a trauma without caring to differentiate between which trauma is logically speaking, worse.
And this at it’s core is one of the major problems with feminism. Feminists talk about the patriachry and so called male privilige, yet any voice that pipes up in the roaring stadium of feminists churches, or as i i like to call it the Amygdala zone, that suggests males suffer too and they give an alternative to the feminist theory as to why this is the case, they will be shunned. This so called priviliged male who is trying to air a grievance is shunned to the back of the room so they can all roar in their echo chamber. Because in their victim mentality no one has it worse than them, therefore any male speaking up about their grievances is seen as a threat. It leads to competition in who has it worse because everyone has pain and everyone wants their pain to be heard, it’s just part of the human psyche. We live in a culture where it’s a case of “who can suffer the loudest” and given that our brains just really couldn’t care less how small or big a trauma is it surely gives that we should try to have more compassion for others but what i think is missing the most, believe it or not is compassion for ourselves. So hyped up in this culture of therapy and needing to air our grievences to anyone else we’ve become reliant on other peoples compassion instead of our own and it’s given way to a culture of attention seekers with a victim mentality. It threatens these people to hear someone else talk about their pain, unless it’s almost a mirror version of their own because that means their pain might suddenly seem less serious, that means other peoples sympathies has turned to someone else and their left feeling left out.
You see with self reliance comes a tool box and inside that tool box one of the weapons is self compassion. I know that sounds like some hippy, flowery rainbow stuff of sickness, but it’s actually quite a sharp tool. A person needs to realise that their own pains are not suddenly devalued because someone else has pain too, they need to look after themselves.
Imagining our larger self as our own loving parent, we might then be able to say to ourselves the same things we might say to a suffering friend or loved one
– Alex Lickerman
We need to be done with these oppression olympics and realise that everyone regardless of gender, race or any other category we have all suffered, and will all suffer at different points on our lives. I know it’s attractive to want to be a hero in your own narrative, which makes us sometimes want to make things look worse for only ourselves so that we come out of it like a shining diamond been under too much pressure, but lets instead be true heroes of our narrative let us not all be led by tragedy, but by the comeback that is inevitable.