Self Compassion VS Self pity

I noted after my previous post that self compassion and self pity can be confused and the lines can become a bit blurred.

Self pity, however, is not self compassion because in the end it is always a hinderence to the individuals life and those around them. Everyone has at some point fallen frail to self pity and if you claim you haven’t, you’re lying. Some people dwell in their self pity for a short time then go to self compassion, but a lot of people seem to get stuck in self pity.

Self compassion is looking after yourself, valuing yourself. It helps to see some value in adversity, that is not to deny your pain but to know that adversity is just another word for a growth spell, you will grow from it. For better or worse. Self pity will have you grow for the worse, self compassion will on the other hand help you grow for the better. Self compassion is using the adversity to grow and to learn. Self compassion is feeling your pain, but not for so long that you stew in it.

Self pity lacks value, and is a vicious cycle. Self pity hinders a persons ability to listen and hear.

Perhaps self pity could be viewed as a step before self compassion.

Something bad happens. You feel down about it. You allow yourself to stew in it for a while. Then you take your nappy off, you clean yourself and you go to self compassion. During the self pity phase you allow yourself to feel the pain in all it’s force, you sit like a baby in a self pity high chair while someone or something comforts you on a superficial level and then you grow and you no longer fit in the self pity high chair and you grow to self compassion. But when you’re stuck in the self pity phase you remain in the high chair, flinging your chocolate cake across the kitchen at everyone around you and people will tire of you, which then infuriates you even more which adds to the cycle of more self pity and so you go to find a group of friends and you each fling your chocolate cake at each other, some of the worst lot may fling their poop, and you each worsen each others self pity cycle.

Thanks for reading

FW

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