I have a cold shower on an almost daily basis. When I first started having cold showers, it was a shock to my system, my heart was beating fast and I was bouncing about on my shower chair while gasping. But the more i had the cold showers the less shocking it became. Now when i have cold showers I don’t get any shock, i’m used to it, i’m immune to the initial kneejerk reaction. And it’s the same with emotional ‘triggers’
I’m not going to lie. I’m human like anyone else and so sometimes I hear and read things that are ‘hateful’ towards transsexuals and as a human being it can sometimes have an impact on my mood. Just having people debate whether it’s a mental illness, we’re just all freaks or we’re born this way can sometimes be ‘triggering’ not because the debate is hateful as such, but because if something directly affects you it can be hard to read people debating about how ‘real’ something is, when you yourself have to live with it through day to day. Whether i’m mentally ill, a complete narcissistic freak or i was born this way, i’m still having to live my experience on a daily basis. But here is what I’ve learnt and continue to learn, the more i expose myself to ‘hateful’ comments, debates about how freaky people like me are etc the more i become immune to an emotional response.
I dont want it to sound dramatic when i say i somewhat torture myself, but at times it sure feels like i do. In the moment something that has ‘triggered’ me will leave me a wreck and if i’m really unlucky it can sometimes take a while to recover, but the more i take the plunge into the metaphorical cold shower the more it lessens the shock.
Thanks for reading