Short stories: An ordinary transmans life

Hi there. You’ve dared yourself to open these pages, so i guess you’ve got to read on. Oh shit, i feel bad for you, i do. This morning I had an accident, the humiliation! I’m shaking my head as i think about it. I was on the tram into manchester MANCHESTA! say it like that, and you’re talking like us. Anyway, i was on the tram, they’re like small trains. Anyway, here goes, my penis fell out of my underwear and down my legs on the tram. It flopped around like a fish out of water, just flopping and flipping and looking like a dick. Yea…..People looked over and were all “What the fuck” and i was all “I don’t know, I don’t know what that is. Gotta be kidding me. What is it?” I was trying to pretend it hadn’t come from me
“Looks like a dildo” A woman said, looking around for laughs
“Nah, shit, it’s too floppy for that”
And so you see everyone on the tram got a peep at my dick and they all discussed how floppy it was. Floppy, floppy, floppy!

Now i’m sat here in front a woman named Alice. “Alice, before we continue on” i start “There is something i need to tell you”
she blinks at me and her ears open ready to hear, wether or not she listens is a different matter
“Okay” my heart is racing. I’m pretty sure i’ve shat myself. It stinks, she can smell it, her nostrils flared a little. “Okay” I repeat “I should just come out and say it shouldn’t it” I grab the glass of water on the table and gulp it down
“Whatever it is, i’m sure it’s not that bad”
I’d laugh if i didn’t also feel like crying. “Depends on your view of it”
“Well just tell me!”
Inpatience is setting in on her. “Okay” I breathe “I am a transman”
She pulls a face at me “Whats a trans man? Like a man who drives transit vans?”
“Yes, yes thats what i do. and thats what was so hard for me to tell you. Because you know, people judge”
“Ah i wouldn’t judge you for that”
This is not real, is it? it can’t be “Yes i drive a blue transit van”
“cool” she replies “Couldn’t you paint it a better colour”
“Whats up with blue?”
“Nothing.”
“If you don’t like blue, i’m afraid this isn’t going to work, my transit van is very important to me”
She looks at me astonished, blinking. “Are you serious?”
“I’m always serious”
She looks down at the table and looks sad “It seems a very strange reason to blow someone off”
“What reasons have you used before to blow someone off?”
She shrugs her shoulders
“You could blow me off if you like”
“I’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing anymore”
I ask for the bill. I guess we’re not.

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