To deny that transsexuality is completely separate from sex is an absurd notion that the LGBT community like to bring forwards as a ‘fact.’ So what I’m about to say may be unpopular by the LGBT community at large, and many transsexuals may get their knickers in a twist at me.
As is the case with many aspects of human identity, it does all go back to sex in the end. Sure it feels much more than that; we humans often make things bigger than they are. But at its core sex is what it is all about. I am not suggesting that it is a fetish; let me make that clear before I continue on. I’m going to talk from personal experience here as my own experience is all I can go off, and I’m stating from that transsexuality isn’t separate from sex because of my experiences.
It is like my brain has been routed towards the ‘masculine’, I don’t mean this by asserting certain stereotypes of myself, though I could list a few, I mean it in the sense that my brain and body though not separate, have a disconnect going on. My brain pursues the goals of reproduction in a way that only a man can. Unfortunately my body is not aligned with this insight into myself. My brain seeks out women and it tries hard to find a way to mate with a woman, in every male sense. My subconscious makes me behave in certain ways, which then comes forth into my consciousness and dysphoria ensues. My lack of ability to ‘get it up’ because I don’t have the parts in the first place, seems to send my brain into an error mode of panic. In my now conscious state, realising the impossibility of my goal I try to rid myself of the notion, the instinct if you will, that I am male. I try to reprimand myself, thinking myself absurd and probably insane, into accepting I am a woman. So consciously I begin trying to imagine myself as a woman, to accept myself as a woman and to understand that any sex I have will be me, as a woman. My brain still doesn’t seem to understand. It seems my brains settings are simply MALE. I’ve tried turning MALE off to go to FEMALE, only to find it doesn’t work.
What I’m left with is an option to either keep trying to be female, or I can try to do whatever possible, with what I already have to try and feel more comfortable in my body, in life. I am at my most reliable, my most stable when I allow my brain the freedom to express itself, when I allow myself to do whatever it is I need to do to outwardly see a closer match to an embedded image in my brain. The image ages as I age too, but it never appears as female.
For the reasons outlined above I find it very difficult to get my head around trans men who are able to have sex in the female way. I.e. trans men who are penetrated y other men into their vaginas. Or letting another woman penetrate them with objects or their fingers. I can understand perhaps an initial experimenting, as its partially through this experimenting you learn your body truly doesn’t align with your body. I’m not trying to negatively judge these people, each to their own. I am merely expressing my confusion as another Trans person. Because gender and sex are so interconnected, I’m not sure how you can completely separate them. My brain simply can’t compute the genitals I do have. I can get pleasure but it has to be done in a very specific way, which I won’t go into detail about.
I understand that gender is much more than their genitals, I’m not implying that what is between your legs is the only thing that matters. But it is connected, I believe, since our brains are not some separate entity in which just simply resides in the wrong body. Yes perhaps our brains are wired towards the opposite gender, leading us to feel as though we’re in the ‘wrong body’ what other way is there to describe it? Language fails us when it comes to instinct and so we’re stuck describing it in ways that sound so confusing and damn right insane. This is why I never seem satisfied with any description I can come up with. Because there is only so much that can be spoken in body language and action, there soon comes a time when certain people in our lives need a verbal or written explanation. Whether that be a potential partner or coming out as trans to relatives and friends etc. Or simply because we demand it, as humans. As we demand explinaions for everything.