The hatred of men

There is a negativity towards men that transmen have to face. I find it disturbing that so much of this hatred towards men comes from the trans community. I’ve seen it, i’ve felt it and the statistics of the suicides of men speak for themselves.
You will rarely if ever (there is always at least one i guess) hear trans man say such words as “I am relieved i’m not really a woman” because there is no relief to be had. Contrary to popular belief, women on the whole are not hated. You will hear transwomen speaking of their relief of “not being a man anymore” (Anymore? So you weren’t born this way?) or “not really a man” and i’ve obsereved this often said when discussing the so called vile nature of men. This makes me as a transman highly doubt the words uttered from their lips or keyboards when they say to other transmen such clearly empty words as “You’re a good man” treating us rather like we’re not really men, we are some ‘other’ better than men. Or you could read into it that everytime they call you man, it is an insult. It is insulting to their sons if they have them, their fathers, their brothers etc. But the good men, that they see as their fathers etc they are some ‘other’ too I guess. How can they sit there and call me a man, or indeed their sons, even if they do say the words “good” before the word man, when they have pigeon holed men into a category of sexist burtal monsters? (Please note I’m not saying all transwomen do this, but I’ve seen it often enough. They are just as guilty as many other ‘cisgendered’ women).

Sadly our idolisation of women leads to more hate crimes towards trans women. I believe that rather than it being hate towards the feminine, it is hatred towards what the criminal percieves as an ‘imposter’ not only are they an imoster they are ‘pretending’ to be the very idols they worship.
It is true true within society at large, and so more insults are thrown towards trans women with a level of disgust both distubring and deeply, deeply concerning.

It also makes me consider about the gender queer phenomenon. I am not a scientist, and I am making no statement here that I see as some ultimate truth, I’m simply inquiring.
Is it possible there are more genderqueer people who are biologically female? than there are biological males who a genderqueer?
I ask this question because one thing i’ve noticed is that it appears, at least anecdotally to me, that there are more biologically female genderqueer people.
And it makes me wonder, are some of these people FTM who are scared of transitioning into what they now see as the enemy?

Even people who do regard themselves as FTM, it all too common for them to express their fears about going on testosterone. Of course some fear should be felt, it would be abnormal for it not to be felt. But the reasons for their fear? It often comes down to such things as asking about rage becoming more frequent and intense, questioning it as if they’re suddenly going to go around beating everyone up. They ask about things, concerned they may ‘begin objectfying females’ or more or less become ‘sex addicts’ Of course if their priming their themselves to believe such things of men in general, they may well end up practicing a self perpetuating cycle whereby they will find the answers they seek, missing the forest for the trees. So paranoid about becoming a monster, they may become the monster.
In contrast you will rarely see MTF’s (male to female) asking such fearful questions about going on oestrogen. There are the usual health concerns, but none it seems about becoming potential monsters.

To observe the trans community, it becomes more and more apparent to me that there is a hatred towards men that permeates our society.


Transsexuality is not seperate from sex

To deny that transsexuality is completely separate from sex is an absurd notion that the LGBT community like to bring forwards as a ‘fact.’ So what I’m about to say may be unpopular by the LGBT community at large, and many transsexuals may get their knickers in a twist at me.

As is the case with many aspects of human identity, it does all go back to sex in the end. Sure it feels much more than that; we humans often make things bigger than they are. But at its core sex is what it is all about. I am not suggesting that it is a fetish; let me make that clear before I continue on. I’m going to talk from personal experience here as my own experience is all I can go off, and I’m stating from that transsexuality isn’t separate from sex because of my experiences.

It is like my brain has been routed towards the ‘masculine’, I don’t mean this by asserting certain stereotypes of myself, though I could list a few, I mean it in the sense that my brain and body though not separate, have a disconnect going on. My brain pursues the goals of reproduction in a way that only a man can. Unfortunately my body is not aligned with this insight into myself. My brain seeks out women and it tries hard to find a way to mate with a woman, in every male sense. My subconscious makes me behave in certain ways, which then comes forth into my consciousness and dysphoria ensues. My lack of ability to ‘get it up’ because I don’t have the parts in the first place, seems to send my brain into an error mode of panic. In my now conscious state, realising the impossibility of my goal I try to rid myself of the notion, the instinct if you will, that I am male. I try to reprimand myself, thinking myself absurd and probably insane, into accepting I am a woman. So consciously I begin trying to imagine myself as a woman, to accept myself as a woman and to understand that any sex I have will be me, as a woman. My brain still doesn’t seem to understand. It seems my brains settings are simply MALE. I’ve tried turning MALE off to go to FEMALE, only to find it doesn’t work.

What I’m left with is an option to either keep trying to be female, or I can try to do whatever possible, with what I already have to try and feel more comfortable in my body, in life. I am at my most reliable, my most stable when I allow my brain the freedom to express itself, when I allow myself to do whatever it is I need to do to outwardly see a closer match to an embedded image in my brain. The image ages as I age too, but it never appears as female.

For the reasons outlined above I find it very difficult to get my head around trans men who are able to have sex in the female way. I.e. trans men who are penetrated y other men into their vaginas. Or letting another woman penetrate them with objects or their fingers. I can understand perhaps an initial experimenting, as its partially through this experimenting you learn your body truly doesn’t align with your body. I’m not trying to negatively judge these people, each to their own. I am merely expressing my confusion as another Trans person. Because gender and sex are so interconnected, I’m not sure how you can completely separate them. My brain simply can’t compute the genitals I do have. I can get pleasure but it has to be done in a very specific way, which I won’t go into detail about.

I understand that gender is much more than their genitals, I’m not implying that what is between your legs is the only thing that matters. But it is connected, I believe, since our brains are not some separate entity in which just simply resides in the wrong body. Yes perhaps our brains are wired towards the opposite gender, leading us to feel as though we’re in the ‘wrong body’ what other way is there to describe it? Language fails us when it comes to instinct and so we’re stuck describing it in ways that sound so confusing and damn right insane. This is why I never seem satisfied with any description I can come up with. Because there is only so much that can be spoken in body language and action, there soon comes a time when certain people in our lives need a verbal or written explanation. Whether that be a potential partner or coming out as trans to relatives and friends etc. Or simply because we demand it, as humans. As we demand explinaions for everything.

The male instinct to protect?

Is it lying for me to start off a conversation, or a post by saying “When I was a young boy” ? It doesn’t feel like lying to me. To some extent, there is some fabrication I can aknowledge, but from my perspective, from my brains perspective, from the viewpoint of my childs eyes, I experienced life nonetheless as a boy. How someone can describe what experiencing life as a boy means, is complicated. It’s abstract, there are no words. Every boy will have his own views and experiences regardless of sharing his gender with other boys. Atfer all, boys and men are not a hivemind.

But still there is something very boyish it ‘feels’ to me about my childhood. wanting to be about logic and reason and things it does irk me a little to only be able to say I ‘feel’ a certain way, with no proof. But since that is all i have, that is all I can go on!

Why I felt like a boy while inhabiting a female body, I can’t say. But I did.

The times I felt greatest when I was a kid, was when I felt grounded in a boyhood sense of self, that is to say, when I felt at my most masculine in a boy sense. I can’t rememer what age it began exactly, but I soon noticed a sense of ballooning up inside with an instinct that said “be gentle with the girls” when I was out with any girls, a sense of wanting to protect them. It was like something inside me grew to make me feel bolder, to calm me so that I could be alert. I remember these feelings, that I could never put words to. Especially towards girls who were smaller than myself. And boys, I felt a protection towards boys younger than me, though it was very different. It was like a brotherly type of instinct, though not related. With girls it wasn’t brotherly, it was something else. I guess at the time perhaps it was the beginnings of a boy becoming attracted to girls, but with an innocence about it as no sexual thoughts were related to it at the time, just the pure innocent urge to protect and be more gentle. This despite the fact, body wise I was probably the same strength as them, if not in some cases possibly even weaker. Yet so ballooned up inside this protective feeling had blown up inside me, I FELT bigger than them, It was being unaware of my own strength, or rather weakness, and as a result feeling even more gentle than I would feel otherwise. I remember that feeling, because I still get it today. An overwhelming feeling of ballooning up inside with a sensitivity towards the woman next to me or sat in front of me or what have you. A sense of wishing one could pick them up in his arms and cradle them, but then much more dirty thoughts pop into my mind, all the while still feeling a sense that I must be aware of my own strength (despite lacking it still), that I must take care even in rough play, to expertly be grounded in knowing my strength and being acuetly aware what would cause potential harm. I’m not suggesting I feel this for every woman I ever come across and see, i’m talking about women I get to know, women who are a part of my life and women I’m attracted to. Of course it’s the women i’m attracted to that the urge to lift them into my arms comes out, wishing I could lift them to protect and ravish them, possibly both at the same time.

Anyone who is close to me, man or woman can get the protective instinct in me rolling. But I tend to only notice it in the very moment of something happening, where as with women(women I like in a sexual way) the protective instinct I can already feel priming itself, just by being near her. Especially in the early days of just meeting her. I’ve also found the scent of a woman can make it stronger, if I i am sexually attracted to her aswell.

This isn’t a “Things that have changed since testosterone” post, because I’ve had these types of feelings way before I ever began testosterone.
They have remained since being on Testosterone.


Transsexual issues becoming illegitimatised

The Information Age has oddly separated stereotypes of genders even more, becoming more and more restricted. I see young girls who are tomboys suddenly come out as Transmen. It is not for me to say who is truly trans, however with more and more people defining themselves as being somewhere under the ‘trans’ umbrella, I am becoming concerned.

Transitioning was never any decision I took lightly. It has been a painful process and still is. I have lost friends along the way, lost contact with some family members. Transitioning comes at a price, and the price can often be much more than you bargained for.

I would like to make it clear, for some people the price is right whatever may happen, since they would simply cease to want to even exist, if they didn’t go ahead with transition. I myself fit into this category. To someone who isn’t trans, that sounds very extreme, it sounds mental and illogical. It’s hard to explain how or why, so I’ve decided not to even waste my time trying. I’ve always been so obsessed with trying to explain it all, wanting to put it all in some logical box that can be easily explained. But the truth is I can’t.

I fear transsexual issues are becoming illegitimatised by people not fully thinking it through and the political correctness that is often insisted on in conversations about gender. But what I fear happens is, we only silence the thoughts they’re still having about it anyway. we wish to ignore such thoughts as we’re “mental” or “freaks” or “you’ll never be a man” we want to cover them up and pretend they don’t happen. But they do. All we’re doing is obscuring it and making it go ‘underground’ so to speak. And the more we cry about being offended, the more we react in emotionally volatile ways the more we push their beliefs about us. The more we confirm what they believe.


Readdressing how one ‘feels’ male.

I have penned many frustrating sentences trying to convey how one ‘feels like a man’ each time i try to write it in it’s most simplistic form, it has always struck me just how absurd a notion it is and never felt quite eloquent enough as a description. I’ve pondered the question over and over in my head “How does one feel like a man?” asking myself “How do you describe such an absurd phenomenon?

Tonight, as i thought about it some more it struck me that the terminology used such as “I feel like a man/woman” is a misrepresentation. But due to the appearances of that phrase being the only way to express it verbally, it becomes the go to phrase.

To say someone ‘feels’ like a man brings up the image of someone waking up on a daily basis and thinking about and attributing feelings to gender. When speaking to cisgendered people (I use the term here only to distinguish them from transgender) an often heard remark or question is “How do you feel like a gender?” and they will point out in their confusion that they don’t wake up everyday thinking to themselves “I’m a man” (or woman) it seems obvious to trans people why, why would they? If you have the validation of your body being male then why would you think to yourself “I feel like a man” you simply just be.
Just like cisgendered people though trans people (unless they’re the ones obsessing over identity politics) don’t generally wake up everyday saying to themselves “I feel like a man/woman.” At least in my experience i am not conciously thinking at every moment “I feel male, I feel masculine, I feel like a man” we do what we do and we just be. It’s an instinctual thing more than it is a feeling, the feelings come after the instinct. Like a lot of instincts it’s an automatic thing, but then when your body contradicts this instinct suddenly your gender is thrown to the forefront of your consciousness. Your body contradicts this seemingly ingrained instinct and the lack of language we have to explain it translates from our mouths as “But i feel like a man” Your body is not validating your instincts, your experience, or your instinct and experience are not validating your body, either way, it’s awkward and it’s painful.

Thanks for reading

Come get your male privilege!

25 reasons to become a tranny!

I know i’m a really bad FTM when I use the word tranny, come at me bro.

So apparently if you’re FTM you gain that thing I mentioned in my previous post called ‘male privilege’ which is this magical thing men get, because penis. Do rainbows shoot out of penises? Sometimes I wonder. Anyway here we go

1. I’m suddenly funny.
I’ve always been dry, sarcastic, and satirical with my humour. In Ye Olden Times, I was considered unfunny at best – and a bitch at worst. Now that I’m a short white guy, people automatically peg me for a comedian and laugh at the bulk of my mouth zings. But nothing has changed. I’ve even recycled some of my old material that people didn’t find funny before just to make sure.

You are funny, you’re right especailly when you use phrases like “happy button” to refer to your 2 inch length clitoris *(btw no one wanted to know, no one cares. It’s not significant), i laughed anyway, but i don’t think i laughed in the way you want when trying to be funny. Okay so being a bit of an arsehole here, lets take his word for it. People find him funnier now. Okay fair enough maybe they do, but this isn’t evidence of male privilege. It could potentially be evidence that since you’ve gained confidence you also as a result come across as funny when telling your jokes, you appear sharper with your wit because you are sharper because you’re feeling better.

2. Yet I’m still taken (more) seriously.
I’m still amazed at the amount of people that now immediately shut their mouths the second I open mine. Believe me, my ideas haven’t improved at all. I’ve even tried to derail serious conversations with ludicrous stuff just to see what would happen – and I’d still be regarded highly.

3. I rarely get interrupted.
I used to be interrupted so often while presenting as a woman that I in turn started to talk over people as a form of conversational survival. Unfortunately, because it became so ingrained in me, I still find myself doing it from time to time even though it’s rarely necessary any more.

I don’t know but before T it sounds like you were really annoying, talking over people. “my ideas haven’t improved at all” as is evidenced by this list.

4. I get paid more.
The proof is in my paychecks. Actual, numerical proof.

So let me get this straight, you came out as a trans man and then started hormones and your boss was like “Well now you’re joining the ‘boys club’ lets raise your wages”? This smells of something…..

5. It’s easier for me to be poor.
Aside from usually getting paid more, it’s been easier to find work when the person doing the hiring is a white guy. It’s like helping out a buddy or something.

Yes all those men who live in poverty and/or homless are living it large.

6. My clothing is more practical.
And better made and longer lasting and cheaper and less judged.

Because women can’t choose what to wear? Who judges what women wear the most, men or women? 😉

7. I get a ton of free passes.
For the record, I’ve never done anything horrific enough to invoke the all-saving phrase of “Boys will be boys,” but I often forget to watch my mouth in front of superiors and authority figures. And while I was getting into tons of trouble for the smallest thing through school and my earliest jobs, these days I can’t recall a single time I’ve been called out or reprimanded.

Don’t let the prison sentence gap between men and women doing the same crime get in the way of your logic.
““Boys will be boys,” i’ve only ever heard used when referring to boys being a bit boisterous, energetic, having play fights and occasionally coming out of them with an injury, their mothers roll their eyes “Well, boys will be boys!”

8. I’m not held accountable for keeping rape from happening.
I remember all of the rape prevention education I got, which always focused on how I should behave, where I should walk when, how to appropriately cover my drink, and so on. These days, I’m told nothing. Not even not to rape.

Do you know what else we’re not told? We’re not told not to murder! Also women aren’t taught ‘not to rape’ either are they? I could go on about this even more, before I don’t have the energy. (thats a cop out, Flint. Yea, well…Penis.)

9. I’m very likely to arrive home safely after walking alone at night.
Assuming nobody is out looking to fag-bash, but that’s a somewhat different matter. It remains that I walk alone at night far more than I used to purely because I’m a dude. Put up my hoodie, and people have even been known to cross the sidewalk to avoid passing me.

Yes you can walk home more safely than women, it’s not like you’re at a higher risk of ANY violence happening to you inclduing homicide is it?

10. I don’t have to worry about keeping an eye on my drink at parties.
Unless it’s at a gay venue where there seem to be some questionable, creepy chickenhawks around, drink safety doesn’t even cross my mind any more.

I’ll just leave this here

11. I’m not told by strangers (or anybody else) to smile.
Not once has it happened since. Not once.

Because you’re less miserable? Because people don’t care as much? That being said i’ve had it said to me, but i’m a miserable grumpy git, also disabled so maybe it’s more of a condescending “Aww look at this fella. Smile, son it might never happen” “It already has” I say with a smile as i run over his feet.

12. I don’t have strangers giving uninvited opinions about my body as I pass by.
(Or then expecting me to thank them for it.) Again, not once has this happened in the usual, everyday world.

yea, no one cares what you look like anymore. Well done, yay Male privilege!

13. I’m allowed to have body hair.
‘Nuff said.

Everyone is ‘allowed’ to have body hair. The fact people have preferences when it comes to sexual encounters will never change, I wouldn’t go with a hairy woman thats for sure. I know, i’m really shallow….

14. I’m allowed to grow old.
And likely will even be considered “handsome” or “sophisticated” because of it.

You’re allowed to grow old as long as death doesn’t catch you first!

15. I’m allowed to eat without being policed.
I’m actually still really damn skinny, but people no longer do things like judge me about what I’m eating or ask if I should be eating it at all.

I’ve never actually witnessed a woman being ‘policed’ for what she eats. But I’ll leave this one, I don’t feel i know enough.

16. My abilities speak louder than my appearances at work.
When I work on-site gigs, I tend to just wear jeans and a T-shirt. Nobody cares. It’s all about the quality of my work.

Different jobs have different dress codes, i don’t really get your point?

17. The bulk of porn is made with me in mind.
Well, the general sense of a guy who has any sexual interest in women. Even “lesbian” porn is often geared toward the male gaze.

Plenty of women watch porn

18. Older white guys treat me like a best friend.
Especially when I have to wear professional slacks and a tie, I’ve been amazed at how many strangers happily strike up conversation with me in this kind of…fatherly way. Their smiles are warm, their eyes are bright, and they seem eager to bestow any wisdom upon me that I could ever think to ask. It’s like I’m automatically their patriarchal protégé or something.

So because men feel a sort of fartherly bond towards a man much younger than them this is deemed male privilege? They see you as a young man, like they were once themselves and so feel they can relate to you more than they could if you were a woman. Women probably have the same thing happen with other elder women, them wanting to bestow their wisdom onto them because they find her relateable.

19. I can be a gamer without worry of being threatened, insulted, or demeaned.
The gaming industry is still very much a man’s world. Female characters are frequently sexualised, brutalised, and demeaned when they’re represented at all – right along with the female gamers themselves.

I don’t play computer games very much and when i do I don’t really join in the social stuff, I’m anti-social like that. I mute the speakers or earphones when playing a multiplayer game so i can’t really say i know much about this on a personal level. But from what i have heard, i’ve heard men insulting men, women insulting men, men insulting women, women insulting women. It seems pretty ‘fair game’ to me. Everyone is trying to one up each other, whoda thunk it, they’re playing a competetive game and they’re trying to one up each other!

20. My comfort comes before anyone else’s.
Nobody expects me to sacrifice a thing for them any more.

Really? one thing that seems to be ingrained into our society is that men should make women feel comfortable at all times.

21. I have significantly less sexual liability.
I can now have as much sex with as many people as I want and nobody says boo about it.

Ever heard the phrase ‘womanser?’ implying that you use women, which is then frowned upon for you using women in such a ‘degrading’ way. Yes there are some subcultures (especially in the UK, probably also in america) called ‘lad cultures’ where they each go out on the pull and encourage each other, but plenty of women do the same and it’s encouraged by some and shamed by others.

22. I’m allowed to take up space – and lots of it.
If I feel like spreading out on public transportation, nobody – regardless of gender – tells me to move over any more. They just act like I have full right to be obnoxious. (Please note that I’ve only ever done this for experimental purposes.)

I take it you haven’t been arrested for ‘manspreading’ yet?

23. I’m not subject to “soft” sexism.
Being asked to grab someone their coffee, help decorate for a work party, or help clean up said party is simply a thing of the past.

Lift some heavy furniture instead

24. People think my successes have been made purely by my own gumption.
I’ve worked hard, sure, but I’ve also had plenty of luck and help. People just don’t question my supposed right to be praised any more, nor imply that I earned what I earned by playing some sort of card. My same exact successes are somehow now all me, all hard-earned, and all things that had absolutely nothing to do with the cultural system we have in place.

You may have a point here. Because feminism has made it harder to take women seriously in the work place because of quotas and the like. “Are you here because you’re qualified, or because vagina?”

25. I can say the most ridiculous things imaginable.
And people will still think I’m right. Seriously. I’ve tested this.

Oh! I think we’ve been had! This whole article was a social experiment wasn’t it?

Why terms like ‘male privilege’ are problematic

If you ever get into a debate with SJW (social justic warriors) or feminists and you happen to be a man and white, especially if you’re heterosexual you will, i can garantee you, you WILL be told you have male privilege, if you are disagreeing you will probably be asked to ‘check your male privilege.’ Sometimes to try and back up their claims further of ‘male privilege’ they will direct you towards transsexual FTM’s who ‘admit to gaining male privilege’ because they were once women right? So how can they be wrong, it’s surely evidence of male privilege, it couldn’t possibly be evidence of anything else going on, could it?! Nah. Course not, it couldn’t possibly be that they’re less miserable now they’ve transitioned and so are easier to approach, that their body language has changed due to a lift in confidence now that they can be seen as men, could it? It must be down to that old ‘patriarchy’ and ‘male privilege.’

But anyway where was i meant to be going with this? Well it’s a problematic term for so many reasons. It’s often used in debates at appropiate moments that essentialy shut down any discussion from the party disagreeing with the feminist rhetoric and the idea of ‘male privilege’ it’s often said in a way akin to saying “fuck you and your man problems, you have male privilege and we’re here to talk about gender equality, you have too much of everything, everything you say is therefore coming from a bias place of privilege.” Now then if i decide to agree, just for the sake of agreeing that men have ‘male privilege’ i would also suggest females have ‘female privilege’ something they will readily deny if one dares to suggest it. Oh but if you’re a man denying your male privilege, you’re denying it because your blind to it, in fact your very privilege makes you blind to it. So i guess their female privilege works in the same way, they can’t see it. What? Females don’t have privilege? You’re pissed off at that idea? Why? Why are you so pissed off? Do you feel a bit dehumanised like your pain as a human being who happens to be a female is being belittled and brushed over because of your supposed privilege?

It is a dehumanising phrase, it lacks compassion it lacks ears to listen with.

I know some people have this idea of me as some ‘bitter man’ some may even go as far as to suggest i’m a mysogonist, you know because i’m openly anti-feminist or non feminist. I look at the feminist narrative and i reject it, i reject it based on the problematic approach and the evidence. I don’t reject it simply because i’m a bitter old man who can’t take the idea of people try to better womens lives, because i’m not against bettering womens lives, i’m not against bettering ANYONE’s life! what i’m against is a problematic theory, and people who use these phrases they’ve learnt in ‘gender studies’ or just from simply being a feminist and then using it shut down discourse. You say male privilege, I point you to the 88% of people who are homeless who all just happen to be men, you say male privilege, i point you to domestic violence statistcs not often talked about showing it’s almost equal between the sexes, you say male privilege, i point you to the goverment funded domestic violence shelters some of which will not allow women in them if they take their sons over the age of 12 (How does that help women in that scenario?) you say male privilege, i point towards quotas that say employers must emply a certain number of women therefore meaning if a man does happen to be more qualified than a woman he won’t get the job, because vagina. I say ‘female privilege’ you point me towards domestic violence, I say ‘female privilege’ you point me towards women living in poverty, i say female privilege, you point me towards rape…. Do you see what I’m getting at here? We can both play at that game, the truth is this ‘you’re privileged’ nonsense needs to stop if we ever want to have a truly open disucssion. Your privilege rhetoric is a barrier in the conversation, it is not a helpful tool and i suggest we take it out of the tool box in trying to fix these issues because the tool is bunk, it’s useless.