The hatred of men

There is a negativity towards men that transmen have to face. I find it disturbing that so much of this hatred towards men comes from the trans community. I’ve seen it, i’ve felt it and the statistics of the suicides of men speak for themselves.
You will rarely if ever (there is always at least one i guess) hear trans man say such words as “I am relieved i’m not really a woman” because there is no relief to be had. Contrary to popular belief, women on the whole are not hated. You will hear transwomen speaking of their relief of “not being a man anymore” (Anymore? So you weren’t born this way?) or “not really a man” and i’ve obsereved this often said when discussing the so called vile nature of men. This makes me as a transman highly doubt the words uttered from their lips or keyboards when they say to other transmen such clearly empty words as “You’re a good man” treating us rather like we’re not really men, we are some ‘other’ better than men. Or you could read into it that everytime they call you man, it is an insult. It is insulting to their sons if they have them, their fathers, their brothers etc. But the good men, that they see as their fathers etc they are some ‘other’ too I guess. How can they sit there and call me a man, or indeed their sons, even if they do say the words “good” before the word man, when they have pigeon holed men into a category of sexist burtal monsters? (Please note I’m not saying all transwomen do this, but I’ve seen it often enough. They are just as guilty as many other ‘cisgendered’ women).

Sadly our idolisation of women leads to more hate crimes towards trans women. I believe that rather than it being hate towards the feminine, it is hatred towards what the criminal percieves as an ‘imposter’ not only are they an imoster they are ‘pretending’ to be the very idols they worship.
It is true true within society at large, and so more insults are thrown towards trans women with a level of disgust both distubring and deeply, deeply concerning.

It also makes me consider about the gender queer phenomenon. I am not a scientist, and I am making no statement here that I see as some ultimate truth, I’m simply inquiring.
Is it possible there are more genderqueer people who are biologically female? than there are biological males who a genderqueer?
I ask this question because one thing i’ve noticed is that it appears, at least anecdotally to me, that there are more biologically female genderqueer people.
And it makes me wonder, are some of these people FTM who are scared of transitioning into what they now see as the enemy?

Even people who do regard themselves as FTM, it all too common for them to express their fears about going on testosterone. Of course some fear should be felt, it would be abnormal for it not to be felt. But the reasons for their fear? It often comes down to such things as asking about rage becoming more frequent and intense, questioning it as if they’re suddenly going to go around beating everyone up. They ask about things, concerned they may ‘begin objectfying females’ or more or less become ‘sex addicts’ Of course if their priming their themselves to believe such things of men in general, they may well end up practicing a self perpetuating cycle whereby they will find the answers they seek, missing the forest for the trees. So paranoid about becoming a monster, they may become the monster.
In contrast you will rarely see MTF’s (male to female) asking such fearful questions about going on oestrogen. There are the usual health concerns, but none it seems about becoming potential monsters.

To observe the trans community, it becomes more and more apparent to me that there is a hatred towards men that permeates our society.

Transsexuality is not seperate from sex

To deny that transsexuality is completely separate from sex is an absurd notion that the LGBT community like to bring forwards as a ‘fact.’ So what I’m about to say may be unpopular by the LGBT community at large, and many transsexuals may get their knickers in a twist at me.

As is the case with many aspects of human identity, it does all go back to sex in the end. Sure it feels much more than that; we humans often make things bigger than they are. But at its core sex is what it is all about. I am not suggesting that it is a fetish; let me make that clear before I continue on. I’m going to talk from personal experience here as my own experience is all I can go off, and I’m stating from that transsexuality isn’t separate from sex because of my experiences.

It is like my brain has been routed towards the ‘masculine’, I don’t mean this by asserting certain stereotypes of myself, though I could list a few, I mean it in the sense that my brain and body though not separate, have a disconnect going on. My brain pursues the goals of reproduction in a way that only a man can. Unfortunately my body is not aligned with this insight into myself. My brain seeks out women and it tries hard to find a way to mate with a woman, in every male sense. My subconscious makes me behave in certain ways, which then comes forth into my consciousness and dysphoria ensues. My lack of ability to ‘get it up’ because I don’t have the parts in the first place, seems to send my brain into an error mode of panic. In my now conscious state, realising the impossibility of my goal I try to rid myself of the notion, the instinct if you will, that I am male. I try to reprimand myself, thinking myself absurd and probably insane, into accepting I am a woman. So consciously I begin trying to imagine myself as a woman, to accept myself as a woman and to understand that any sex I have will be me, as a woman. My brain still doesn’t seem to understand. It seems my brains settings are simply MALE. I’ve tried turning MALE off to go to FEMALE, only to find it doesn’t work.

What I’m left with is an option to either keep trying to be female, or I can try to do whatever possible, with what I already have to try and feel more comfortable in my body, in life. I am at my most reliable, my most stable when I allow my brain the freedom to express itself, when I allow myself to do whatever it is I need to do to outwardly see a closer match to an embedded image in my brain. The image ages as I age too, but it never appears as female.

For the reasons outlined above I find it very difficult to get my head around trans men who are able to have sex in the female way. I.e. trans men who are penetrated y other men into their vaginas. Or letting another woman penetrate them with objects or their fingers. I can understand perhaps an initial experimenting, as its partially through this experimenting you learn your body truly doesn’t align with your body. I’m not trying to negatively judge these people, each to their own. I am merely expressing my confusion as another Trans person. Because gender and sex are so interconnected, I’m not sure how you can completely separate them. My brain simply can’t compute the genitals I do have. I can get pleasure but it has to be done in a very specific way, which I won’t go into detail about.

I understand that gender is much more than their genitals, I’m not implying that what is between your legs is the only thing that matters. But it is connected, I believe, since our brains are not some separate entity in which just simply resides in the wrong body. Yes perhaps our brains are wired towards the opposite gender, leading us to feel as though we’re in the ‘wrong body’ what other way is there to describe it? Language fails us when it comes to instinct and so we’re stuck describing it in ways that sound so confusing and damn right insane. This is why I never seem satisfied with any description I can come up with. Because there is only so much that can be spoken in body language and action, there soon comes a time when certain people in our lives need a verbal or written explanation. Whether that be a potential partner or coming out as trans to relatives and friends etc. Or simply because we demand it, as humans. As we demand explinaions for everything.