The male instinct to protect?

Is it lying for me to start off a conversation, or a post by saying “When I was a young boy” ? It doesn’t feel like lying to me. To some extent, there is some fabrication I can aknowledge, but from my perspective, from my brains perspective, from the viewpoint of my childs eyes, I experienced life nonetheless as a boy. How someone can describe what experiencing life as a boy means, is complicated. It’s abstract, there are no words. Every boy will have his own views and experiences regardless of sharing his gender with other boys. Atfer all, boys and men are not a hivemind.

But still there is something very boyish it ‘feels’ to me about my childhood. wanting to be about logic and reason and things it does irk me a little to only be able to say I ‘feel’ a certain way, with no proof. But since that is all i have, that is all I can go on!

Why I felt like a boy while inhabiting a female body, I can’t say. But I did.

The times I felt greatest when I was a kid, was when I felt grounded in a boyhood sense of self, that is to say, when I felt at my most masculine in a boy sense. I can’t rememer what age it began exactly, but I soon noticed a sense of ballooning up inside with an instinct that said “be gentle with the girls” when I was out with any girls, a sense of wanting to protect them. It was like something inside me grew to make me feel bolder, to calm me so that I could be alert. I remember these feelings, that I could never put words to. Especially towards girls who were smaller than myself. And boys, I felt a protection towards boys younger than me, though it was very different. It was like a brotherly type of instinct, though not related. With girls it wasn’t brotherly, it was something else. I guess at the time perhaps it was the beginnings of a boy becoming attracted to girls, but with an innocence about it as no sexual thoughts were related to it at the time, just the pure innocent urge to protect and be more gentle. This despite the fact, body wise I was probably the same strength as them, if not in some cases possibly even weaker. Yet so ballooned up inside this protective feeling had blown up inside me, I FELT bigger than them, It was being unaware of my own strength, or rather weakness, and as a result feeling even more gentle than I would feel otherwise. I remember that feeling, because I still get it today. An overwhelming feeling of ballooning up inside with a sensitivity towards the woman next to me or sat in front of me or what have you. A sense of wishing one could pick them up in his arms and cradle them, but then much more dirty thoughts pop into my mind, all the while still feeling a sense that I must be aware of my own strength (despite lacking it still), that I must take care even in rough play, to expertly be grounded in knowing my strength and being acuetly aware what would cause potential harm. I’m not suggesting I feel this for every woman I ever come across and see, i’m talking about women I get to know, women who are a part of my life and women I’m attracted to. Of course it’s the women i’m attracted to that the urge to lift them into my arms comes out, wishing I could lift them to protect and ravish them, possibly both at the same time.

Anyone who is close to me, man or woman can get the protective instinct in me rolling. But I tend to only notice it in the very moment of something happening, where as with women(women I like in a sexual way) the protective instinct I can already feel priming itself, just by being near her. Especially in the early days of just meeting her. I’ve also found the scent of a woman can make it stronger, if I i am sexually attracted to her aswell.

This isn’t a “Things that have changed since testosterone” post, because I’ve had these types of feelings way before I ever began testosterone.
They have remained since being on Testosterone.



Transsexual issues becoming illegitimatised

The Information Age has oddly separated stereotypes of genders even more, becoming more and more restricted. I see young girls who are tomboys suddenly come out as Transmen. It is not for me to say who is truly trans, however with more and more people defining themselves as being somewhere under the ‘trans’ umbrella, I am becoming concerned.

Transitioning was never any decision I took lightly. It has been a painful process and still is. I have lost friends along the way, lost contact with some family members. Transitioning comes at a price, and the price can often be much more than you bargained for.

I would like to make it clear, for some people the price is right whatever may happen, since they would simply cease to want to even exist, if they didn’t go ahead with transition. I myself fit into this category. To someone who isn’t trans, that sounds very extreme, it sounds mental and illogical. It’s hard to explain how or why, so I’ve decided not to even waste my time trying. I’ve always been so obsessed with trying to explain it all, wanting to put it all in some logical box that can be easily explained. But the truth is I can’t.

I fear transsexual issues are becoming illegitimatised by people not fully thinking it through and the political correctness that is often insisted on in conversations about gender. But what I fear happens is, we only silence the thoughts they’re still having about it anyway. we wish to ignore such thoughts as we’re “mental” or “freaks” or “you’ll never be a man” we want to cover them up and pretend they don’t happen. But they do. All we’re doing is obscuring it and making it go ‘underground’ so to speak. And the more we cry about being offended, the more we react in emotionally volatile ways the more we push their beliefs about us. The more we confirm what they believe.


Transmen and manhood

We have been fed blasphemous lies about men for too long. Too many trans men who yearn for the testosterone running through their veins are terrified, of what monster they may become. Hearing of rage and indecent images of rape, they yearn yet they hate what they want. Many turn to feminism, a place where they can put their masculinity on a pedestal by being the exact opposite of what the feminists preach of man. “I am not angry, I do not hate women! I am here to break the patriarchy and I am man enough to stand up for women’s rights” they say and it is on the face of it a noble goal, but one to be warned away from. You can be for women’s rights and men’s rights alike, without being a feminist and toeing the line. And though you may scoff at the notion of men’s rights, know that therein lays the key, the moment, to which shows we do indeed need men’s rights.
So desperate to be labelled as a man, by the masses, they squander their potential. Toeing the line so they can keep up the image of their manhood, because manhood for them has become whatever society says manhood is, or rather to put it more bluntly, what women suppose it to be. This is not a slight against women, merely an observation.

But it doesn’t matter if someone should turn to you and say “you’re not really a man” whether that is a woman, or a man on either side of the spectrum of politics. People say this to men all the time, because to be a man on either side is something you earn. In their minds you may never earn it, simply because of the knowledge of what is or isn’t between your legs. But surely we know masculinity is more than that, by now.

You are mirroring traditionalist values, though blinded by the talk of ‘breaking the gender binary’ you don’t realize it. Is it not a traditional ideal that a man should protect his woman and any other woman from mere words? Is it not a traditional ideal for someone to preach under such campaign names as HEFORSHE? He for she. Man must once again come to the aid of the damsels in distress, for only men can, women though through one corner of your mouth are strong and independent and women need men like a fish needs a bike, and out from the other corner of your mouth women need men to come to their aid like knights in shining armour. There is nobody more traditionalist than a feminist in today’s first world.
It is the radicals of feminism that have the most consistency, they don’t trust men and so they don’t ask for their help. They simply hate men and want men to simply “fuck off” this makes more sense than preaching that too many men are violent, rapists, verbally abusive and too many have such big yet fragile egos they feel they can speak over anyone and everyone, but please, please men do help us.

They have got you hook line and sinker! They are pointing to you and saying “if you are a good man, you will come to my cause. You will prove yourself the good man among all the villains” You! Yes you! You special, unicorn of a man, such a rarity! But know that they will turn against you at the flick of the fingers. Know that they are merely drawing on what is already in most men, trans men included, the natural inclination to love and to protect women. You are not a special man in this; you are not special because you are a Trans man either. There is nothing unique about your love for women.

And in case you wonder, would I protect a loved one? My girlfriend, my mother, my sister etc indeed I would. I would in a heartbeat. I am not denying this. I am merely trying to point out, you have been told it is a unique quality among men and that through your insecurities, magnified 10 fold perhaps due to dysphoria, you have put your manhood into the hands of others. Your manhood is yours, you shall earn it for yourself, the others with their jibes about you not being a real man, they won’t matter for your confidence will grow and align with your earned manhood, that you earn for yourself, and you, you decide what you must do and who you must be in order to see the man you want to see